The Importance of Retreat/Contemplation in maintaining Health and Well Being

I am currently receiving weekly meditations from Amos Smith, Author of “Healing the Divide – recovering Christianity’s Mystic Roots”. Which I am finding extremely thought provoking and resonant. Titles like; Fences and Riverbanks and The Power of Lent have made me challenge myself on some recent changes in my perception of the way I live out my Faith. As we are in the Christian season of Lent, alongside Amos’s weekly meditations, I am also engaged in a time of weekly “Lent Retreat” – meeting the “Women of the Passion”. Unknown women who maybe have no more than a one line mention in one of the “Gospels” – “the gate-keeper of the Temple forecourt” who challenged Peter, or the nameless wife of Pilate, who begged her husband not to get involved in the trial of “this innocent man”.

As I have got older and more particularly in recent years these types of “Retreat”, “Contemplation” “Meditations” have become more vital, essential to my sense of well-being. Sacred Spaces in an overly busy, noisy world.  Noisy in every sense of the word, cramming our thoughts and minds with every conceivable transaction, both sought or imposed. Either through work or the general rough and tumble of every day life.

They are a wonderful way to both unravel and make sense of both our interior and extrinsic world. A time also – just “to be”, and contemplate and focus on “the Divine” and his/her wonderful creation in awe and wonder.

For me the ideal time to do this is first thing in the morning. Indeed every morning I spend at least 20 minutes in this quiet time before embarking on the day, and probably an hour over the weekend or during the holiday periods, that my work in a school allows me to enjoy. This has been my pattern for the past 27 years, and without this discipline I am convinced that the – at times – extremely challenging periods of my life would have brought me close to complete breakdown. Instead, due to these regular times of Retreat, although there have been moments of fragility, they have always been kept at bay.

The content and method of these meditations have changed over the years, most particularly during the past few years – but that is as it should be. How and what, and upon Whom our contemplations are focussed are bound to, not only change, ebb and flow as do our own lives and circumstances, but also just as we are “uniquely formed and made”, so our methods and modes of transcendence will alter in view of our own character and traits. Therefore, I would not presume to prescribe a set method, other than to say that I believe everyone will benefit if they set aside a regular time of “quiet” where nothing else is able to intrude.

For some that will be on a daily basis, perhaps at the start of the day, for 20 minutes or longer. Others will find that evenings or midday are more convenient. As far as a “place” is concerned it could be a room in the house, or outside, during a walk – or at the bottom of the garden. Yet others prefer to contemplate during long commutes into work, in the car or on a train. Some prefer complete silence, whilst others may choose to listen to some gentle music.   You might want some form of structure, starting with complete stillness; relaxing and letting go of the stress and noise of the day, then meditating on a poem, a Biblical verse or passage, or an object, or view and then waiting, listening for a response, which in turn can result in conversation.  For others it could be completely fluid and flow out of whatever comes to mind, totally spontaneous, and dependent on the circumstance and mood of the day.

From my own Christian perspective I take my lead from Jesus himself.  There are a number of passages which show he made time in his day to be “quiet” to spend time in contemplation and prayer.

Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed. Mark 1:35

After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone – Matthew 14:23

One of those days Jesus went out to a mountainside to pray, and spent the night praying to God – Luke 6:12

And of course the start of his ministry shows him taking 40 days away from everyone and everything, deep in the wilderness. He spent those 6 weeks apart from all distractions including in that time not only prayer but also fasting – in preparation for the three year ministry that ended in him sacrificing all on the cross. We can find the description of this time in both Matthew chapter 4 and Luke 4. As Christians we still recognise and some also practise, this time of preparation during the period of Lent, leading up to Easter.

Therefore, if the author and perfecter of Christianity felt that this was an essential element of daily life. It would be improvident if I didn’t follow his example.

It might sound “worthy” or even “hard work” to attempt to incorporate times of retreat into already busy lives, but I know that missing my 20 minutes of “quiet” – deepening my relationship with Yahweh (Ancient Hebrew for God – “I AM”) would rob me of so much. I relish weekends – Saturday in particular, when I can immerse myself in Him a while longer. They give my life meaning, they are my Spiritual Oasis’s, when I can drink deeply from the Wells in the desert. They replenish me and make me ready for all that life brings – consoling, nourishing with Healing – Solace – Peace -Guidance. Enjoy.

Moving On – But with an eye on the Receding Road Behind

Well, I posted my first blog – which was borne out of a review of the excellent book “Healing the Divide: Recovering Christianity’s Mystic Roots” by Amos Smith and two weeks later I present my second. Without wanting to resort to cliché, it made me recognise the journey I have been on in recent years.  All lives are a journey, every single one complex and unique – however, the only one we can give authentic comment on – the only one where we have a complete “insiders” view is our own.  Anyone who has read my original blog will see that the major changes in my life have been punctuated and propelled forward by deaths. I have listed three; however we all experience many more than three deaths throughout life, both literal and metaphorical. The three that I chose to list were the death of both my brothers, over 20 years apart and both in violent and tragic circumstances – and the death of my parent’s marriage, when I was still very young. All three brought about change, the biggest change being my decision to become a Christian, after the murder of my 28 year old brother Adam, back in August ’88.

However, the “death” that brought about the greatest change in my life, certainly one that completely altered my circumstances was that of my marriage, after more than 20 years.  That was back in 2007. Never underestimate the devastation a divorce wreaks on lives, particularly one of such long standing. It was my decision; an extremely painful one, but one that was borne out of necessity. The necessity of survival, because the destructive elements that were now ruling that marriage, were slowly but surely destroying the lives of three people – two warring adults and an extremely vulnerable and impressionable 10 year old boy.

One evening when John flew into one of his frightening and unpredictable rages I suddenly realised with complete clarity, that the only sensible thing to do was to leave and to do so with immediate effect. So I seized the first opportune moment when there was a slight lull in his rant. While he was upstairs in the bathroom, I grabbed the hand of my weeping son, took hold of both our coats, checked my handbag for the car keys, all of which as luck would have it, were hanging from hooks by the front door, opened it and walked out for good. That is now almost exactly eight years ago.

So, why am I recounting all this? Because, if I want to be authentic about the journey I have taken, I need to examine all the pivotal stages along the way; the places that have caused me to take a different path, whether enforced or chosen.

None of the other “deaths” were of my making; all of those decisions were completely out of my grasp, but not this. For the first time I had stepped out of the “container” of my perception of Christian values – for example a marriage always being for life. Looking back over these past eight years I know it was the right decision. I have moved on – I have grown, but not just me. The others in the marriage have also changed. My son in particular, has blossomed. My ex has met someone else and re-married. It was an extremely painful experience, particularly in the early days, but I am convinced that I made the right decision because out of that death have come the shoots of new life. The Christian life should be a resurrection life, “Unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only one seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds.” John 12:24. My marriage was stagnant and dying – it was full of fear, unhappiness, reproach and any remnants of love that flickered within it were being gradually extinguished. God’s Love brings Life not death – “a smoldering wick he will not snuff out.” Isaiah 42:3.

I know now that as I grabbed my 10 year old son’s hand, that bleak January day in 2007, taking him out into the unknown, we did not go out alone – Someone was holding my hand He was clearing the way ahead, removing obstacles and providing sustenance along the way and He continues to do so day by day. He does that through changing circumstances, family and friends. In my case my remarkable 86 year old mother – has been an unending source of support – my rock both emotionally and oft times financially too!  He also lays a trail along the path and if we keep our eyes wide open we will discover the clues and signposts that assist us and give responses to our endless questing and journeying – leading us onward towards the treasure, the pearl of His Kingdom, a deepening relationship with Him.

Just weeks before my brother, Hugo’s death – the family were gathered in my brand new little apartment, altogether for the first time in ages. It was Christmas Eve the end of the year, with the new one beckoning. The rest of the family were chatting in the sitting room and he left them and came over to speak with me while I prepared the evening meal in the kitchen. I used to love having conversations with my highly intelligent, complex brother; we didn’t indulge in “small talk” but always delved into the deeper things of life.  This evening was no different, and although I cannot recall the content of our conversation, I will never forget the opening line. Here I was almost three years down the line from that fateful day, flourishing. A new flat, a new role within the school I worked in and we were now approaching a new year.

“So, Mandy,” he inquired “tell me what you are planning to do with the rest of your life?” It was a pertinent question, it went in deep, and it implied so much. This wasn’t a cosy finish, but a fresh start, a fork in the road, with decisions to be made, and questions to ask. Those questions have kept coming and have led me in a completely different direction with regards my relationship with God. They have led me into the wilderness, away from my current understanding of who He is, and as the questions keep coming; as I have railed against Him and thrown up my doubts and my crumbling certainties, He has patiently led me out into the wider world of the Christian Faith. I am encountering different ways of seeing Him, His world, His Creation and His followers and the mist is slowly beginning to clear as I discover Joy in the Journey…

 

How Three Deaths and a Paper Trail Led Me to “Healing the Divide”

The following is in effect of a review of Amos Smith’s book Healing the Divide: Recovering Christianity’s Mystic Roots.  As with all books, it got me thinking, not only reviewing his book – but reviewing aspects of my life, and seeing how various events affect and change our individual journeys. Setting up signposts and leading us along different paths, different trails…

The title of Amos Smith’s book “Healing the Divide” was what struck me initially. We all need healing, don’t we? The Church (the universal Church) is full of hurting people who need healing … Certainly, the factions and the divisions that have grown within God’s family desperately need something, Someone (?)  to heal the divide. Jesus himself said that he had come to heal, that he had come for the sick not the healthy.

My Christian journey has been a walk of healing. Indeed of resurrection; each step along the way, another “Baptism”:  of death, of submerging beneath the waters and then a raising up into new life.

First, at the death of my parent’s marriage, when I took on the Faith of a 10 year old, at my local traditional, high Anglican Church, in love with the Anglican Nuns who taught me and took me for my confirmation – a simple trusting childlike faith in the God of the Trinity. But within a few years I had drifted away.

Then a real and shocking death brought me back at the age of 31, when my middle brother, the only practising Christian in the family, was murdered by a young drifter in a random act of violence. My mother, youngest brother and I, took on his Faith, led by the young curate of our Evangelical, Charismatic Church, and for 25 years our Faith was fanned by this “Way” – sure, strong, and unquestioning. This Way and no other. The other ways were heretical. But this “container” was almost certainly necessary, needed – then …

Then the next death… just as shocking, but the result was very different. My youngest brother, a wise, gentle man of God, but who did question and unfortunately also suffered from depression, walked out one freezing January day, and made the terrifying and un-reversible decision to jump, from the devastating heights of Beachy Head, into the English Channel below.

Since then I have been questioning, searching, reading. God has been sending me on a paper trail of excellent reads and this book’s title and content spoke into my heart.

Jesus Paradox, a phrase coined by Amos Smith. It is his explanation of the term Miaphysite – the Dynamic Union of Creator God and his human son: Fully God and fully human. “Both and” … losing the dualistic certainty of “either or” – as brought to us by the Monastic authority of the desert fathers and mothers of the first few centuries AD, before the Divide.

We are introduced to the Alexandrian mystics who spent their time alone, in silence, listening to God. They understood and recognised His mystery: which showed us that we do not have all the answers and that it is perfectly alright to question and that the Jesus of the Bible is continually a “Paradox” in tension at all times.  Jesus taught in parables (full of paradox), he avoided answering questions directly instead replying with another question or one of his famous parables, engaging us, getting us to question and to recognise that there are no simplistic answers, sometimes we need to go through a process before we can understand, or even realise that the answer is simply “no answer”, “Mystery” and be content to leave it there.

Healing the Divide, doesn’t present us with answers but throws up lots of healthy questioning. It releases us from the need to have all the answers, it is food for thought and deserves to be read and re-read. I feel I have just touched the surface and I am sure will enjoy delving back in between its covers over the years.  It has also re-ignited my desire to develop my relationship with God, and certainly to “go up onto the mountaintops” – “out into the deserts” “to shut my door” to the outside world and get to know Him (our wonderful, unknowable, mysterious, paradoxical God) better. Until such time when “I know as I am fully known”. Once we all recognise this and lose the dualistic desire for everything to be “either or”, when we recognise that the far more inclusive “both and” is perfectly acceptable then surely we can begin the process of “Healing the Divide” – Enjoy!